ONE PARENT'S VIEW

For me, the beginnings of bringing up a child with learning difficulties (I prefer this more inspiring label to that of "handicapped") were not so easy. Although my books on baby play helped, I still had to feel my way through, especially as my daughter was my first child.

I would let her be close to me a lot. I carried her in a sling; I wheeled her with me around the house in a small cot; I propped her up in a slanting chair placed near me on top of the sink or the table (ideal for the two of us to look, listen, touch, and babble).

I would not let her doze too much, nor accept this tendency simply as part of "the condition". I found that if I made something stand out for her, if I specifically drew it to her attention, then she showed little signs of tiredness or switching off. Her eyes became alert, her body more tense, and the little head was less likely to sink loosely into the back of her neck. However, I still respected her need for some switching-off times, which I noticed in her remote glance.

Apart from general baby care, I tried to change the routines. I changed her in different places. A bath could be had in the sink, with Dad, or in a swimming pool. Physical play could be done on a puffy eiderdown or a rough mat.

I would ask critical questions regarding toys. Did they delight, provoke, and provide enjoyment? For instance, why not fix cradle toys where the feet and knees are hopefully kicking, or where the elbows push out? Why not have rustling paper under the shoulders? Could cradle toys be made of materials other than plastic, could they be covered with different textures? How about changing colours from baby pink to a glittering gold? How about changing from bell and beady sounds to a wooden clippety-clop, a cymbal clang, or a click? Can I surprise her by hanging up a fat balloon, tiny beads, a closed plastic water bag for squeezing, a piece of chocolate, or a mirror? Can I cover things up suddenly and then let them reappear?

We decided to be on her side and not make behaviour training our first concern. On looking back this seems like a daring attitude but my daughter, who is now ten years old, shows me that for her this must have been right.

Parents and relations reaction

These comments show how some parents coped with, and how other members of the family reacted to, a new baby born with Down's Syndrome.

Parents

"When telling relatives and friends that our much-wanted first child had Down's syndrome we knew that they would find the news sad and we broke it to them gently. Our son has been accepted and visited by all."

"By the time the diagnosis was made, Steven was already part of the family and we could not consider anything other than keeping him with us."

"When our little girl was born with Down's syndrome, it was a terrible shock and we were very sad. Our parents and friends were very supportive, which helped enormously. One of the most helpful things was being introduced, through the local Down's Syndrome Association group, to a family with a nine-month-old daughter with Down's syndrome. Meeting them showed us that we would be able to cope because they had."

Brothers and sisters

"When my little sister was born, Mummy and Daddy told me she would be a bit different and would need help to learn things, more help than I did. She can do lots of things and I take her out to play. I think she is lovely." (Angela, aged 12)

"My little brother can be a real nuisance. He gets everywhere and wants to play with all my books and toys but my older sister says I used to do that too when I was his age so I suppose I just have to be patient with him." (Simon, aged 9)

Grandparents

"One of my friends reminded me recently that when I told her that my daughter's first child had been born with Down's syndrome, I said that my life would never be the same again. After 11 years I can say that what I said then has been true, not in quite the negative sense that I might have anticipated, but in the richness of the experience we have had in watching our grand-daughter grow and develop." (Lucy's Grandma)

"I still feel moments of sadness when I think how much help Timmy needs compared to my other grandchildren, but bit by bit, I can see some of the tricks in him that the other children have got up to and I know I am really glad to have him as part of our family." (Timmy's Grandpa)